The other day I went to see my doctor for my annual meeting and he asked me how I was doing. I told him outside of having FOGS disease I felt just fine. He looked puzzled and asked, "What the heck is FOGS desease?" I told him it's a common thing seniors get:
Fatter, Older, Grayer, and Slower.
Ron Watts, 08/31/10
"I don't like to be the one to have to tell you this Sally, but there's a rumor going around that your husband is chasing women. And he's almost 80!"
"So what! Let him chase. Dogs chase cars but when they catch one, can they drive it?!"
*************************
Middle age is when your classmates are so grey, wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
Larry Miller, 06/12/12
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Ron Watts, 06/20/13
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the
greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:
1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
2. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
3. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
4. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.
5. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
6. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
7. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
8. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
9. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
10. Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
11. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
Ron Watts, 02/19/14
In Sarasota, FL, an elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! GET OUT OF THE CAR!"
The four men got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable!
Jean (White) Roberts 03/14/14
Gary Bradley 04/16/14
Dona Malan
Sept. 2015
Dona Malan 12/25/15
from Phil Smoot, 02/21/16
From Ed Noice 09/27/16
The 60th High School Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having always attended class reunions in the past.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table . . . and the widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?”
After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes... yes I will!"
Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say "No"? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He tried to recall the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes”or did you say “No”?
"Why, you silly man” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!"
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued ... "And I'm so glad you called. I couldn't remember who asked me!"
from Dona Malan, 01/14/19
From Jay Fennessey--April, 2021
From Margie (Nielsen) Brown -- Aug. 2021
From Jay Fennessy (10/20/22)
from Jay Fennessy -- 03/29/23
--from Ed Noice, Nov. 2023
Charles Lourtie (Dec. 2023)
You know you're over 50 when you have 'upstairs ibuprofen' and 'downstairs ibuprofen.'
I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
You know you are getting old when "friends with benefits" means having someone who can drive at night.
Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile I am watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.
I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
Apparently, exercise helps you with decision-making. It's true. I went for a run this morning and decided I'm never going again.
